Career growth – What you ought to do

Come in late. When boss is not around, come in later. If questioned by boss or other superiors, just put on a tired face and sigh. With a barely audible voice, lie through your teeth that you had stayed back to complete a very important task. Nevermind that the important task was something that you had put aside or simply ignored due to personal reasons. By the way, the important task is nonexistent.

If you have screwed up on something, try blaming it on everyone else beside you. If that doesn’t help, back to lying through your teeth. Say you were too busy and did it unintentionally. Nevermind you didn’t understand a single thing that was asked of you in the first place.

If your customer or colleague has screwed up, complain with all your might or till it reaches your boss’s ears. Tip: The louder it is, the better. The aim is to imply that you have an eye for detail and that you do not tolerate such service failure.

Use bombastic words, even if it makes no senses. The more you use, the better the chances of your presence being felt by the higher management.

Be on the know. It is important to keep abreast of the happenings in your office. How else are you going to entertain your boss with the purpose accidental tongue slip about your colleague who ignoramously told you his or her personal troubles.

Never ever ever, I can’t be more stern than this, submit/handover any task, no matter how miniscule, on time. This might make your superior, gasp, think, that you, you are inefficient and bad in time management. The rule is; be consistent in whatever you do!

It is very important for you to be at you desk when your boss leaves the office for the day. Give yourself, say, a window of 10 minutes. Then, run out to the door to get out the office. Don’t waste a precious second, afterall, the head has left the building. Why waste time anyway?

Other vital rules to ascend the corporate ladder include:
Backstabbing
Self promotion
Call yourself the best
Be friendly

Never ever gossip or bad mouth a colleague or your boss unless the other person is another prototype of you. You don’t want your success mantra to fail, do you?

This works.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t be working for fools, would I?
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