People who outlive gratitude

This post by MumbaiGirl made me realise another issue that has kept me in the dark for quite sometime now.

How are we to deal with people who outlive the gratitude that we shower upon them?

Say, for instance, an aunt helped, during my time of distress by being there for me. This, I have kept in heart for many years and have always, when opportuned, returned the kindness without any expectations, as should rightly. Mostly, the intention is not to repay but to give the kindness uncalculated and without restraint. However, now that we are geographically closer to each other, the ‘real’ self of that aunt is gradually showing her other face.

No, I’m am not referring to the overly protective, concerned, possesive out of care aunt, but of an aunt with a sword for a tongue kind.

If I were to tell her off , does that make ‘me’ ungrateful? Or should ‘I’ put up with it for as long as she or ‘I’ live? Nevermind, it hurts ‘me’ deep? Nevermind she humiliates ‘me’ in public and in private for mundane stuff?

Am ‘I’ being taken advantage of?’

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9 thoughts on “People who outlive gratitude

  1. TG – my opinion is that while we should be kind and considerate, we should also stand up for ourselves. Quite often the other person may not even be aware that she is hurting you – so a heart to heart (woman to woman seems chauvinistic) talk should clear matters. If not, we should make it clear that we will not take abuse lying down. An occassional angry retort or firm reply would make the other person think twice before they try to hurt. Actually this feeling of hurt happens only if you think the other person can hurt you (someone whom you care about, your close family, friend etc.), otherwise just ignore.

  2. If you are comfortable reading tamil then I suggest you follow a post and a discussion thread on a similar theme (approval by society) for our actions.< HREF="http://tamizhachchikal.blogspot.com/2006/08/blog-post_25.html" REL="nofollow">See here<>Preferably use IE to read the page as the rendering is better.

  3. That is very true, visitor. This is what I sincerely feel: When it comes to the person from our inner circle of people, it takes a totally different form. As such, much care and consideration has to be taken account. Most often that not, we make excuses for ourselves and would try our level best to be diplomatic. Not only that, irregardless of how hurt we are, we try not to give the same pain to them. Thus, this supposed confrontation takes a very long time, during which you are dragged with emotional pain and gradually you will hate to even hear the person’s name. One small innocent gesture from the person would be the only catalyst to prick your built up anger. Why wait long and torture yourself? Talking (those who are close to you) or telling off (this works for people who not part of your inner group) works. Isn’t it why certain seemingly quiet & shy people exhibit a sudden outburst, catching one and all by surprise?

  4. Sorry, visitor. As much as I can confidently say that I can speak and read Tamizh, I am neither a fast reader nor a good writer of Tamizh (I still mix up the letters). 😦

  5. Actually, MG, my close friend does have the heart and guts to talk to her aunt. Each time she feels like talking, (after spending hours perfecting the tone and correct usage of words), she chickens out the very minute she sees the aunt. It is not easy to predict the mood of her aunt. If she’s good, she is extremely good, to the extend of making sweets for her, buying her gifts etc. Sometimes, we feel that her aunt tries ro buy back her affection by doing so, as much of the sweet making & gift buying happens after my beloved friend is made to cry. And this seldom happens in the presence of other family memebers. They think she is paranoid.

  6. Actually, it does, hmmm, in a way. And it makes her look silly and that pains me as a friend. How I wish, that aunt of hers would realise the hurt she is causing rather than to have my girlfriend compromise to accomodate her.

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