“I would like the “modern” ladies to read this and give it a thought. Undoubtedly, a noticeable thaali gets instant respect for the one wearing it by most of the men.”
The above was posted by a man in an on-line forum I frequent, in a thread on Thaali a.k.a Mangala Sutra.
I think I will laugh it out aloud!!
Firstly, I am one of those modern ladies who indeed wears a Thaali. Secondly, the instant respect thingy is way beyond my comprehension!! So what is he saying? Ladies wouldn’t be get hit on if they are wearing a Thaali? Is being hit on is a bad thing? Seriously? Of course, I am not saying it’s nice to get hit on by a pervert (not that a pervert only targets singletons) , but a nice compliment or two from the opposite sex wouldn’t kill you, would it?
I wear the Thaali. Heck, I like wearing the Thaali and felt good wearing it. Don’t ask me why. It just gave me that romantic feel to it. It made me feel feminine. The yellow thread looked just as awesome as a newly married bride though I moved on to the gold chain later for convenience sake-I didn’t have to ‘colour’ the thread and risk having a yellow neck for a few days of colouring it.
The often spoken about snatch thefts didn’t bother me a bit. I had to remove it though when the chain got entangled a few times and resulted in one of the thinner chains which maketh the thick chain gave way-resulting in painful scratches on my neck. So off went the Thali for safe-keeping. No regrets whatsoever though I will put it back on once the Thaali is mended.
The point I want to make is that, I did not wear the Thaali due to compulsion or culture. I simply found it romantic to wear one. Certainly NOT because:
- it is my husband’s life insurance. *eyes rolling*
- the respect it garners. Huh? What respect? As though it will stop a pervert!!
- it shows I am married. And that’s a valid point because? I don’t get it!!
What I didn’t like was the lack of professionalism displayed by two people at work. This is not something new from them. When they need my help ((in other words pick my brain for their lack of competence), they come with with smiley face & all. Mind you, these are fellow managers themselves, not entry level staff.
It was never an issue for me to share knowledge with one and all. As a manager, it is important for everyone in the department to be knowledgeable about what we do as it helps both the department AND organisation grow together.
So much so, I see that they have become too reliant on me. The simplest thing seems to be a herculean task to these individuals. They gather the necessary info and points from me and regurgitate to those who asked them the vital questions and or clarifications originally.
The best part is, when the original poser probes them more, these two individuals probe me in return as though I am answerable to them. WTF! It is this part which annoys me.
I got mad at one of them recently. It started with the same flow initially. This time, when she came the second time around with the intention of probing me, I asked her the same questions she asked me. She was taken aback and wasn’t normal towards me for the next two days. If she was offended, she didn’t show it. It looked more like she was annoyed with me for making her think and answer me instead of me handing over the info in a silver platter. *eyes rolling*
This is what I made for lunch last Sunday
Chicken slices marinaded with
Margarine (original recipe asked for butter)
Chillie powder (original recipe asked for chillie paste)
Pre heat oven to 200 celcius
Roast for about 50 minutes at 150 celcius.
Yummy roasted chicken slices are ready. Ate it with home made chicken rice prepared with home-made chicken stock. Can you see me gloating? 😀
Someone mistook my comments as an opposite reflection of her thoughts, though in reality my comments were entirely based on some other matter not related to her own, should I make the move of clarifying to her? Or should I leave it as it is? No one has said anything direct to me though ironically the timing of my comments and her subtle hints couldn’t be any closer than this.
Perhaps I am just being paranoid?
Why some are mean to others when they are in good mood and then do a 180 degrees turn when they are down?
And then there are some who go on with their sob stories and then make an uncalled for , equally unexpected statements demeaning you after they have poured out their heart?
What to make out of them?
Last but not least, why would a strong and independent woman who talks about putting men in their place doesn’t allow her sons to wash their own plates? The sister gets the privilege instead!
These are the three different women from different generations, backgrounds but with similar education level I know for quite sometime now. Needless to say, none are my good friends.
If I want to:
- cook for my family and at times according to their preference even when I am tired. I don’t do it when I don’t want to.
- clean my own house for me and my family’s sake. It is secondary matter that I have mild OCD. *eyes rolling* I don’t do it when I don’t want to.
- pamper my family simply because I feel like. I don’t do it when I don’t feel like doing it.
- let go of my preference over certain things because I know my needs aren’t that important compared to my family’s. I go about doing my stuff later. When I know that my needs are important, nothing takes precedence over that.
Does it make me a doormat? Is to compromise a bad thing? Since when? So is to give and take? It works both ways in a relationship. Only when it stops for one person or becomes an obligation solely to one party, then just kiss good bye to the relationship.
Why do I need my husband’s help to run the house when I can do it myself? It doesn’t mean I don’t ask him to help around when I need him to, you know! Does it make me any lesser strong or empowered just because I choose to put my family first? I equally put myself first before my family either.
Is it wrong for my husband or brother or mother or sister to tell me my dress is a tad too short? That my low neck blouse is allowing a little more cleavage than it should? No, it is NOT
ok for my neighbour’s sister in law’s third cousin in law to comment on my dressing sense. Just in case if you think I allow insignificant people to tell me how I should live and breathe. And no, I do not think it is appropriate for a 9 year kid to dress up like a 20 year old. You get what I mean with the three scenarios I have given above?
Where do we draw a line? When does it become patriarchy? When does it become my right? When does it become inappropriate?
Are we losing the bigger picture in the course of seeking gender equality? Do we need to pin it all on patriarchy?
At first I was proudly calling myself as feminist. Till it dawned upon me one fine day; why the hell do I need a term to fall back on just to call a spade a spade, to voice my opinions, to right a wrong? Is it all because I am a lady? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against feminism or feminists. I am just not into labelling myself anymore-that’s all.
When push becomes a shove, that’s when we need to stop and ask ourselves what is happening; whether we are at the losing end; why aren’t we happy anymore, what is it that is bothering us? Are we losing our selves in process living for others? Why do we feel so restricted?
Otherwise, just go with the flow and live life as you want to live it. No need to get too extreme.
Post updated as I realise I have more to yap. 😀