Guilty as charged

Lil N is getting whacked like nobody’s business AND I hate it! He has turned to become this unexplainable naughty little brat who simply doesn’t want to listen. He disturbs his little brother and cries non stop for nothing. The worst is when he screams at the top of his lungs and that is precisely when I loose my top and hit him. I even scared him by mentioning Angelina (he is scared of Angelina though I don’t know who or what he/she is). I am capitalising on Angelina.

I hate myself for this. This is the child I love with all my heart. This is my child. Why am I hitting him? I hit him and then cry after a while. I apologise to him. Why am I am doing this? Why can’t I exercise a little bit more patience? The child is only 3 for god’s sake!

Lil D on the other hand, sleeps well though out the day. At night, he wakes up at regular intervals of 3 hours. Some nights, even every 2 hours. He keeps awake for an hour after drinking milk.

A note to self in 2013

I am now a mommy of two.
I need to control my emotions more and not behave hastily and chew off husband’s head when it comes to ‘them’. ‘Them’ here does not refer to my kids! 
Wake up early, really early on weekends
Spend time wisely and on things which makes me happy
Cook more variety of food, indulge in baking
Read more.
I’m happy to note that my tv viewing time was great in 2012
Leave workplace at 5pm sharp. This is something I was unable to keep up even when I was heavily pregnant.
Not to be too aggressive at work and be nice to scheming idiots and those with hidden agenda
Do not have expectations when it comes to relationship. Perhaps, I’m just too romantic for my own liking or a sucker for wanting smaller things in life like just the two of us going for a movie once in a while.
Don’t eat too much and watch my weight. No matter how tempting my own cooked food is. 😀

Labour Pains

After all the hoo-haa, I now know how true labour feels. And it is not nice. Contractions had started on Saturday, 29th of Dec 2012 noon though it was not consistent. By 11pm that night, the contractions were about 50 mins apart till the next day.

It was N’s nursery orientation day and I had to be there for my crown prince. Despite of a sleepless night, I spent three hours there. Afternoon saw us celebrating my parents’ anniversary at a restaurant.

The irony was that we decided to induce on the 31st of December 2012 since the doctor said he wont wait any longer after week 40 given the complications I had. I was to get my self admitted at 10pm on the 30th to facilitate the inducement. Therefore, I didn’t actually rush to the hospital as I was scheduled to go there anyway. By night fall, the contractions were more frequency at nearly 15 minutes apart.

Reached the hospital at 9.30pm on the 30th. The nurse checked me and said I had dilated by 2cm. She called the doctor and was told that I didn’t have to be given the medication to soften the cervix since I am already contracting on my own. With that, I will be induced at 7.30am the next day. The nurse asked if I want a pain killer jab or call for epidural. I said I can bear the pain now. If I need I will ask for whichever later.

By 2am the pain was at 5 mins apart. Nurse came in and asked if I wanted epidural or the jab. I opted for the jab first. Then, I dozed off only to wake up at 6am. Contractions were not felt that badly and I had dilated 4cm. Had my bath and a light breakfast. Was induced at 7.30am. Then it started. With a vengeance. The doctor visited me at 9.30am and broke my water bag. The vengeance doubled as time went by.

By the time I asked for epidural, it was too late. The head nurse said I was already 85% dilated. So it will be a waste. With that, I only had the gas to rely on till my second prince was delivered after noon via vacuum. Third push and out he came. The knot like pain dispersing in your abdomen every few seconds is not something one can forget. Initially, I even thought my c-sec stitches were ripping off. It was that bad…and gradually it only got worst till delivery. Ahhh the joys of motherhood.

What relieve it was after the baby came out. 😀

Did I mention the head nurse ‘helped’ to fasten the opening by putting her hand in at the precise time I was contracting. Gosh, I can’t describe the pain. I just can’t.
And who said the stitches don’t hurt, during and after? Grrrrr