Pre Assessment Outcome: Did not achieve target
Well, it’s a week long school break. The boys are with my parents.
I slept well. Got up refreshed. Not tired. Had a full 8 hours sleep. No additional house work or getting them ready for school in the morning. No rushing back in the evening to cook. I catered food and we ate out. We went for long drives. We went for massage. We had for desserts late at night. I even slept after midnight, the latest around 1am.
All fine, you may say. But there is this void. This HUGE void. I miss my babies. I want my tiredness back, just to have to little munchkins snuggle next to me. I don’t care if the lil one pees on the bed every single night. It’s ok, I will wake up and change him into clean pyjamas and tuck him back to sleep. It is ok for the elder one to annoy his lil brother while I yell like a maniac from the kitchen asking him to stop bothering his brother.
And then, the guilt crept in. I shouldn’t shout at them. I shouldn’t cane them. I am mean. Wicked. I am not spending enough time with them. I am not cooking healthy nutritious food for them. I am not taking them to the park often. I lock myself in the bedroom…with my books. Maybe I should leave work early. Maybe this…maybe that…*sigh*
The list was endless.
Then I realized that I am going through the same phase like all the other moms. Just like in all those articles.
If I go on like this, I will drive myself mad. I am a working mom. And I have my limitations. The limitations could be stemming from me as a person or from external sources.
I could try to make my limitations bearable, where I could. I can only do so much. I am not going to beat myself to death for that.